Chime.Time.

…and in the midst we find ourselves being made whole. We’re being made whole on a whole other level.  In the moments I understand myself the least, I understand You the most. I give myself so much hardship about what’s going on in my life and how much I don’t understand what to do. I would keep asking myself question after question about myself and why I’m where I am. Beating myself up moment after moment. Through ALL of this…every second, You’re greater. You went through so many more hardships than I go through in a year and yet I sit and say I’m having a rough time.  I come back to you. I come back to You knowing I’m renewed, know my troubles are nothing. You have everything set out of me in the palm of your hands now I’ll give my hands. This is what living and learning is all about, this is what I’m learning. To trust more in you all of my days, and to solemnly give you everything…always.   

Another year older another year wiser. At least I hope to be wiser. It’s a good thing to gain, and to seek after. I’m still pressing into that factor in my life. Of course I feel no different being 20 but I know I will gain something from this new chapter in my life and I’m so ready for it.  Australia has been so good to me, God has been so good to me, I’ve learned so much, and I’m still learning as I go…of course. Yes, things have been so extremely hard and there are time where I’d much rather sit in solitude than face anything.  Yet even when the people around me lack wisdom or knowledge to a certain degree it still pushes me forward because I know I must master this art. I’m ready to see what awaits me and I’m ready to take it on full force. Then again I say that now and I’m probably no where near ready, but that’s okay I will get the hang of it sooner or later…I’ve got a lifetime.  Interesting, interesting things will occur as they already have been. Yet I still encounter such great blessings and opportunities so I’m not worries one slight bit. Cheers, to a good year.  kc. 

This is it! This is second semester, this is a new year, this is where my life begins for sure. So yeah there are some things thrown at me here and there but i’m surrounded with beautiful people that i know will help me all the way through. Dancing is going to be rough this semester, the people are going to be rough this semester, we’ve had so much time off which means we have has so much time to not be in shape! shame i know… This year has something special attached to it. Something i haven’t had before and i’m excited to see what it is and what this feeling is all about. I’m going to make my way through this year with a level mind and my head secure on my shoulders or else i won’t go anywhere straight… I’m opening up this semester, i’m letting life take its toll on me and i’m going to enjoy it and guide it to where its supposed to be guided. I love my home, i love Australia and i’m going to live it up and make the best of it. Even if it means claiming citizenship after four years. I’ll probably be here for a while and i’m happy with that and so ready for it too.  I just want to soak in all God has for me, he’s already done so much and He’s constantly going to be giving and opening for me and i want to give back and walk through all those openings. It’s a new atmosphere and i’m ready to live in it and soak it up and be a new person.  My views.My life.My heart. all here. kc. 

I got through a lot, and i miss a lot. It’s hard still just to think about being everything to becoming nothing. I just have to  continually ask God what He wants out of this year, and what He wants me to make it. If i continue to just wonder and worry and let my feelings overtake my emotions then i start to think in circular motion, just ending up where i began. I want to move forward, as we all should just looking straight into what is to come. Making sure we grasp on to this new year and not let it down. I have a lot a head of me, with coming to a new semester, and just a lot i know i’ll have to personally deal with. No one can help me but myself. I don’t want to resort to what makes me feel comfortable anymore. This band aid i’m supposed to be ripping off is extremely stuck to me still. Maybe little by little it comes off but then i tend to stick it back on…just because i want to handle it, and i want things to be my way when they’re not.  Covering up what is really happening and just pretending it’s not is the last thing i should be doing. I have to look forward and become the strong person i’ve been designed to become. If something is holding me back then i shouldn’t allow it. I’m not sure of anything that is exactly holding me back but i can’t come to terms with it if there be anything.  Looking a head i’m going to be excited. Excited for all that is happening, for all that we resort to and the learning we possess. I’m just going to be as one great preacher would say F.A.T - Faithful, Available, and Teachable, curtsy  of Sanga, and move into this new year bold and trusting. I tend to uplift myself a lot….it works.  -kc. 

I honestly don’t want to care anymore…all this caring just eats away at me. Sure i will still be a caring person, but, towards this i no longer want to care. I no longer want to look at the reactions, i no longer want to see the surfaced effection, i no longer want to see the way you handle things. I want to just see the truth, i want to see purpose behind it all, i want to see a man. No more children for me, i want to see honesty, love, and trust. Respect above all would be considerate. So long i’ve struggled with this…with the viewing my weakness…well no more i should have to struggle with it. I ask for a detachment.. this is what i wanted right? I wanted to be free from all this. So seeing what i see now and wondering what i do now won’t help me at all in the end. I just want truth..i don’t want games anymore, i don’t want unanswered to emotions…I don’t want hidden friendships and hidden words…just doesn’t make for a trustworthy relationship. Let this be the last time i care for what i see out of this and your friendships. I want you to have the best friendships ever, and i want not to care if they are not exactly mature, or grown up, or something i don’t understand because its all inside jokes and playful situations. I don’t want to read it so i won’t, i’ll hide it all away and let it happen, because it’s not your turn to care anymore…it’s always been there, and those friendships will last…I’ve never stopped you before, and there is no point on that now. It’s always bugged me, and for a little while longer it still will…you tear off hard, and quick, almost too much for me to handle…but i know i can handle it and will because i am strong…and i don’t let petty things get to me…and they won’t. Never knew it would come to this. It’s all for good, not for worse. Love still remains..only if you let it. Friendships can be bonded tight..but only if you do it right. kc.